Proudhon’s Bush-Tender
A man was walking through a lonely forest one day, when he saw a tiny sapling. “This sapling,” he said, “will someday become a great bush that will grow many delicious berries. Perhaps I should try to make sure it survives.”
And so he cleared some of the dead wood and leaves from around the bush, and picked off some of the bugs that were attacking its tender leaves. For days and weeks he watched the bush grow bit by bit, making sure that water got to the soil around its roots when the rains came.
Finally, the bush began to sprout little green berries. “These berries will soon be ripe,” said the man. “And then I shall have a reward for the work I have put into making sure this bush grew up healthy and strong.”
A few days later, the first few berries reached the peak of ripeness. The man picked a couple and was just about to eat one, when there came a rustling sound from deeper in the forest. Out stumbled a bearded man who said, “I am starving, and could you spare a few berries?”
“Only these few are yet ripe,” replied the bush-tender. “But we can share them for now.”
And so the bearded man rushed up to the bush and picked most of the berries that were ripe. He ate them, and murmured happily about how sweet and juicy they were.
The bush-tender then picked the last few ripe berries and was just about to eat one, when the bearded man said, “I yet hunger. Give me those last berries.”
The bush-tender replied, “I realize you might still be hungry, but so am I. Look, you have eaten already most of the ripe berries, leave me these few.”
The bearded man grew angry and shouted, “How dare you rob me of but these few remaining berries! How small a thing to fight over! I shall have them now, or I shall beat you as all robbers should be beaten!”
The bush-tender was unwilling to argue. Perhaps this bearded man was really that much more hungry. “Very well, have these berries as well. I shall eat in a few days when more are ripe.”
The bearded man ate the last berries greedily. Then, there was another sound of rustling from the brush, and another bearded man walked out of the forest.
The two bearded men nodded at each other, and then the second said, “How dare this bush produce berries like this! We, the people, declare it is injustice for this kind of greedy reward to be given!”
The first bearded man smiled. “We charge this bush with violating the rule that savings shall not be productive! Can anyone speak in its defense?”
The bush-tender frowned. “It is the pure nature of this bush to sprout berries if it is tended and allowed to grow. How can we punish it for doing something so natural?”
The two bearded men, however, were not convinced. “We shall vote,” the first one intoned gravely.
The bush-tender voted to forgive the bush. But the two bearded men voted that the bush was guilty.
“The People have spoken,” chanted the bearded men. “The sentence is death!”
Then the two bearded men brandished axes and torches and destroyed the bush completely.
The bush-tender walked deeper into the forest, growing hungrier and hungrier each day. One dewy morning, he saw the limb of a tree bend down under the weight of a ripe and juicy apple. He rushed up to the tree and gently pulled the apple from the branch.
Just as he was about to take a bite, there came again the sound of rustling, and the two bearded men came out of the brush.
“How dare you rob us of this apple!” they both screamed. “We have not eaten anything since last we met!”
“Then you and I are in the same circumstances,” said the former bush-tender.
“We shall share it equally, then!” cried the grinning bearded men.
The former bush-tender was ravenously hungry, but he remembered the axes that the two bearded men had concealed on their persons. “Very well,” he said, and handed the apple over to the bearded men.
One of them took out his ax and cut the apple neatly into three pieces. He handed one of the pieces to the bush-tender.
Just as the bush-tender was about to take a bite, the two bearded men screeched again. “His piece is larger!” they cried. “Robbery!”
One of the bearded men pushed the bush-tender down, and the other took the apple piece from him. “You stand accused of robbery of this piece of apple,” one of the bearded men said gravely. “How do you plead?”
“We had agreed to share the apple, and you did the cutting. You gave me this piece of apple and I assumed I was entitled to eat it.”
“Sophistry!” cried the other bearded man.
The two bearded men then smiled, and said, “Guilty.”
The bush-tender said, “Not guilty.”
“The People have spoken!” cried one of the bearded men. Then he chopped the piece of apple in two and the two bearded men ate it.
The bush-tender stumbled deeper into the forest.
Days later, nearly on his deathbed from hunger and thirst, the bush-tender hobbled weakly up to a clear, sparkling stream. “Finally, water,” he said to himself, and he laid down on the ground to sip up some water.
It tasted clean and sweet, and he felt a little strength returning to his limbs.
But then, there was again a rustling from the trees.
“Robbery!” cried the two bearded men again as they walked up to the former bush-tender. “How dare you drink from this stream as if you owned it!”
“Please,” said the bush-tender weakly. “I am so hungry and thirsty, I only wanted a little water to quench my thirst before I continued looking for food.”
“Greedy fool!” cried the two bearded men. “You are charged with theft of the People’s water!”
Once again, the bush-tender was outnumbered and declared guilty.
“What can I do to make reparations?” asked the bush-tender. After a moment, he said, “I know. I will work for you. I shall give you my blood, sweat, and tears in hard labor until you decide I have repaid my debt to the People.”
But one of the bearded men shook his head. He smiled a sour smile, and said, “I have no use for your blood, sweat, and tears. What has your hard labor gotten you? Your blood, sweat, and tears are full of impurities that were not in the fresh, clean water you stole. Return it.”
“I shall go and collect some more water and give it to you,” said the bush-tender. “Give me only a day and I shall find some.”
“No,” replied the bearded man. “You have stolen the People’s water now, and you shall return it now.”
“How can I return it now?” asked the bush-tender. “It is already a part of me. The only way I can possibly return it, now or later, is in kind.”
“Very well,” said the first bearded man. Then the other bearded man stepped on the bush-tender’s leg. There was a sickening snap as the bush-tender’s leg was broken.
“Be grateful we did not decide on a harsher punishment,” said the bearded men, and they walked away upstream, laughing.
The bush-tender, hungry, thirsty, and with a broken leg, expired there near the little creek. His body decayed, and polluted the water such that none downstream could drink from it for many years.
Rothbard’s Bush-Tender
A man was walking through a lonely forest one day, when he saw a tiny sapling. “This sapling,” he said, “will someday become a great bush that will grow many delicious berries. Perhaps I should try to make sure it survives.”
And so he cleared some of the dead wood and leaves from around the bush, and picked off some of the bugs that were attacking its tender leaves. For days and weeks he watched the bush grow bit by bit, making sure that water got to the soil around its roots when the rains came.
Finally, the bush began to sprout little green berries. “These berries will soon be ripe,” said the man. “And then I shall have a reward for the work I have put into making sure this bush grew up healthy and strong.”
A few days later, the first few berries reached the peak of ripeness. The man picked a couple and was just about to eat one, when there came a rustling sound from deeper in the forest. Out stumbled a bearded man who said, “I am starving, and could you spare a few berries?”
“These berries are mine,” said the bush-tender.
Then the bearded man let out an enraged shout and attacked the bush-tender, but after a short struggle, the bush-tender, from the strength he had gained by his labor, was victorious and the bearded man lay dead on the ground.
The bearded man’s body made excellent fertilizer for the bush, and it grew strong and lush and fruitful, and the other people of the forest also prospered, as a vile bloated parasite had been removed from existence forever.